How to be a proactive project peacemaker

ExtraordinaryPM Co-founder Sarah Walton shares her tips on becoming a brilliant mediator

Project managers need to have many skills in their toolbox; mediation is one that is often overlooked. Nobody wants to spend all their time trying to keep the peace between warring factions, but we do need to ensure that conflicting views have a voice and are listened to without being allowed to derail project progress. Rather than thinking about peacekeeping or mediation on a project, we prefer the concept of project managers being proactive peacemakers in every interaction because:

• Projects are challenging places and inevitably there will be tension between team members, stakeholders and sponsors, since they will each be looking at the project through a different lens.
• Organisations generally emphasise the importance of collaboration and providing a place of psychological safety, but this can lead to pressure not to challenge one another or ask awkward questions.
• Most people instinctively avoid conflict, but good disagreement is core to making progress and being intentional in how we approach and manage these situations is important.
• The language we use when describing arguments is combative and, as Ian Leslie points out in his book Conflicted: Why Arguments Are Tearing Us Apart and How They Can Bring Us Together, we don’t have a word for non-hostile disagreement.

A proactive peacemaker creates a project environment that encourages non-hostile disagreement in order to deliver the best outcome. So, what can we do to create a safe space for innovation and problem-solving?

1. Get comfortable with the discomfort of conflict and control your response to it

Disagreement stimulates the same areas of our brain as physical threat; our minds are flooded with signals that tell us we are under attack. Understanding what is happening in our brains during conflict means we are better placed to manage the situation. One of the most useful techniques to employ is to be intentional about slowing down our breathing. An easy technique you can share with your team is to breathe in slowly to the count of three, hold for three, breathe out for another count of three and then hold for another three… and repeat.

2. Make sure your team has the confidence and courage to engage in healthy debate

They need to know that if they offer a contentious viewpoint, challenge an idea or disagree with someone, they will not be shot down in flames or have the interaction held against them. Start by ensuring that everyone believes the project is sufficiently important to be worth taking the personal risk of speaking up by developing a target statement. When the importance of the project is clearly articulated and the team feels engaged in this, then it is far easier for team members to express contentious viewpoints for the sake of the ‘Big Why’. Next, demonstrate how you want your team to behave. If you offer differing viewpoints, welcome and accept challenge from others, demonstrate that you are not taking any dissension personally, and be very clear that you are happy to be wrong, others will follow your lead.

3. Value diversity and richness within the team

Create a safe place of mutual respect, appreciation, inclusion and trust where different perspectives are encouraged and valued. Don’t forget that everyone approaches problems in different ways. Some of us (with extroversion tendencies) want to talk through the problem, whereas people who are more introverted need to think first and speak later. Ignoring quieter colleagues can be a disaster; projects have been known to fail because an essential but inconvenient nugget was ignored or never surfaced.

Throughout your project, keep building relationships and connections. Taking time to understand the strengths, skills, personalities and diversity of thought and experience around the table will pay dividends when you need to be able to mediate a difficult situation.

4. Stay curious and open-minded

Your role as proactive peacemaker is to dispel misunderstandings and make sure the issue and any areas of conflict are clear. The phrase ‘let’s put the dead moose on the table’ refers to the need to get a tricky issue out into the open. Setting the problem on the table allows us to examine it fully and objectively so that we can ensure we are all seeing the same issue. Then we can explore solutions by:

• actively encouraging everyone to discuss as many different perspectives and viewpoints as possible;
• allowing time to explore all the options;
• setting a specific intention to try to break possible solutions; and
• encouraging everyone to replace the word ‘but’ with ‘and’ when responding to one another.

Once all the elements of the issue have been surfaced and possible solutions interrogated, it is often easier to agree a resolution. Even if you cannot steer your team to agreement, at least team members will feel their contribution was valued, in which case they are more likely to accept the outcome.

5. Remain open, honest, pragmatic and authentic

Realistically, there will be times on your project when you need to deliver difficult messages. In these situations, do not shy away from uncomfortable truths – the road of least resistance is rarely a successful path. Be prepared to acknowledge issues and areas where expectations may not be met and be confident in explaining why, always ensuring that any decisions have been made within the context of good governance and your project’s agreed decision-making process.

Proactive project mediation is not a stand-alone activity; it is built by every interaction you have on your project. If you do have to mediate between two conflicting views – whether it is between team members or stakeholders – you will only have the authority to do so effectively if you have built respect that:

• you listen to the viewpoints of others;
• you are able to balance risks and costs; and
• the final decision will provide the best outcome for the project, where ‘best’ has already been predefined by the ‘Big Why’ for your project.

Top tips for being a successful proactive peacemaker

1. Do not be afraid of conflict. A project with no challenge is unlikely to produce the best solution and may be ignoring risks and issues; your job is to surface the issues and manage any conflict, not avoid it.
2. Listen to what is not being said as much as what is. By reframing comments and checking for understanding, you can create an environment where everyone feels that they can be heard. You can also use reframing to keep the debate objective, not personal.
3. Create a project ethos that encourages debate, but always arrives at decisions and tangible actions. Do not allow debates to drift or re-emerge.
4. Remain neutral so that you can facilitate the debate, agree a solution and articulate the rationale for the decision. If you are involved in the debate, it may feel more like an autocratic process, which means people are less likely to engage in the future.
5. Do not be afraid to park a decision. Even on the most time‑critical projects it is unlikely that an extra 24 hours will cause the project to fail. If a topic is hotly debated, it may be better to defer a decision in order to collate some specific additional information. It also gives everyone in the room the chance to reflect on their position – this is particularly helpful for the introverts and logical thinkers who may not be able to articulate their arguments fully in the heat of a verbal debate.

Sarah Walton ChPP MAPM is Co-founder with Marion Thomas of ExtraordinaryPM.

THIS ARTICLE IS BROUGHT TO YOU FROM THE Summer 2022 ISSUE OF PROJECT JOURNAL, WHICH IS FREE FOR APM MEMBERS.